His A$s from a Hole in the Ground

October 21, 2011

I don’t understand why everyone was so surprised at hearing about Muammar el-Qaddafi being dragged from a drainage pipe, similar to the way soldiers dragged Saddam Hussein from a hidden hole in the ground.  All dictator-types appear to be unusually prone to gopher-like behavior: even Hitler and Dick Cheney were known to have hidden in subterranean bunkers.  Clearly the world’s military should stop trying to flush out the enemy using carpet bombing and predator drones, and call in the experts: a team of plumbers.  Picture a white van rolling across the desert emblazoned with the logo: Ruler-Rooter.  The van could have a giant plastic dictator lying on its roof and play Abba’s “Waterloo” whenever someone honks the horn.  A bunch of guys wearing cotton jumpsuits would hop out, feed a long plumber’s snake into an abandoned oil well hole, then suddenly we would hear a loud “pop” and five terrorists, a couple of mullahs in flowing robes, and a CNN reporter with camera crew would stumble out of a nearby cave, shielding their eyes against the glaring sun.  Much cheaper than the Army, except that the plumbers charge time and a half on weekends and after 5 pm.

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