Barking Mad

October 22, 2011

I marvel at my dog Winston, an otherwise affable fellow, for his ability to take an immediate and irreversible dislike to a random person or dog he meets without having any basis for it whatsoever.  Maybe he doesn’t like their looks, or their smell, or the jingle jangle of their dog collar or charm bracelet or keys as they walk down the street.  Whatever.  Winston starts barking and snarling and lunging before he even meets these abhorrent creatures in the flesh or fur.  And incredibly, he can bark menacingly at a human yet the forgiving canine-lover will actually apologize — for the dog!  “I shouldn’t have looked him straight in the eye; you’re not supposed to do that” the intended victim will explain, as Winston strains against his lead, spit dripping out of his mouth.  It should be noted that on those rare occasions when Winston has been able to slip the restraints and potentially make physical contact with these undesirables, he immediately curls his butt under his body, cowers and retreats, much like a principled Republican at a Tea Party rally.  I often wonder if my customers would be as understanding if I lunged for their throats, which I have been tempted to do on occasion.  “I shouldn’t have made eye contact with Laura” they’ll explain to the police as they lead me away for my perp walk in chains.  Of course Winston will almost certainly hate the jingle jangle of my handcuffs and take an immediate dislike to me.


2 Responses to “Barking Mad”

  1. Beverly Rafaty Says:

    Gee, I really am looking forward to meeting Winston! I’ll be sure and leave all jingling items at home. Very enjoyable column.

  2. Sherri Hedling Says:

    Hey, you forgot the bra strap bulging bumps on the back! I’m really enjoying your blog.

    Love you,

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