Big Brother Likes Nice Undies

October 25, 2011

Apparently there is new technology afoot that will enable Visa and MasterCard to track your in-store and online purchases and then send emails to your home computer suggesting that you might like to buy more of the same.  This is terrifying, as I’m already traumatized by Amazon’s constantly updated “buying recommendations” based on my prior clicks and purchases.  OK, so they have basic demographic info on me, and I may have glanced at books about dieting, being single, and having a cat.  Does that mean that I am forever destined to be tagged on their Middle-Aged Perpetually Dieting Bitter Spinster list in the Big Brother Motherboard in the Sky? Won’t that label be confirmed when Big Mutha gains access to all my purchases, including those double-stuff Oreos I bought to treat depression last month at Safeway using my debit card, the tab for gravy-laden Chicken Fried Steak night at Farmstead, and of course the thousands of dollars spent on clumping cat litter, canned cat food, cat dental treats, spongy cat play balls, and the dry cat food that my cat decides it no longer likes after eating one-quarter of the bag?  And what about my regular online shopping at Victoria’s Secret (which is guilt-free, by the way, since no local serving store sells serviceable underpants)?  Yes, I bypass the low-slung thongs and the gravity-defying hydraulically-lifted demi-cup bras worn by dead-eyed slack-jawed mouth-breathing supermodels, and go for the cotton blend (so they move but still breathe), smooth elastic waistband, big girl panties I find so comforting.  But will Big Mutha know this and, based upon my size and fabric choices, consign me to the Somewhat Overweight Middle-Aged Spinster Who Wears Naughty Underwear In Front Of Her Cat list?  Heaven knows what products they’ll suggest for me then!

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One Response to “Big Brother Likes Nice Undies”

  1. Amanda van Horn Says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHA. Thank you for making me expectorate my morning coffee all over my keyboard.


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