Hot for Granny

February 25, 2012

It’s unusually sunny and warm here, and so it seems everyone has grabbed a few pairs of shorts and t-shirts from the seasonal storage bin and set forth in all their pale-skinned, under-moisturized glory.  But have you noticed how difficult it is to remain age-appropriate when dressing for warmer weather?  The conservative couple who normally jog past my house wearing head-to-toe Nike branded track suits, socks, gloves and hats are suddenly wearing less than Victoria’s Secret models, albeit still the Nike brand (because one has to maintain standards).  And I’ve recently noticed several lanky young boys in my neighborhood wearing the type of check shirt and boy scout shorts normally associated with Beaver Cleaver, only to discover upon closer inspection that the youths were in fact in their mid forties or older. Of course the high priestess of age-inappropriate attire is Madonna, who is the subject of my latest column in the Star.  By traipsing around like a teen trollop during the Super Bowl, she has been directly responsible for accelerating my own aging process, and for keeping me out of my favorite 1975 vintage tank top and short shorts, to the relief of my neighbors, I’m certain.  Read Hot for Granny in the Star.

Blue Skies

February 10, 2012

I recently wrote a column for the Star wherein I noted the mixed feelings with which locals have been greeting this unusually warm winter weather.  It seems that blue skies in January and abundant sunshine in February are viewed as signs of impending doom — more than one neighbor wondered aloud whether the plague of locusts was imminent.  You will be happy to know that I took immediate action:  I washed and waxed my car, ran my sprinklers, raised my market umbrella, and placed a favorite cushion on the lounger outside.  As a result, the rain and cold weather have returned.  You’re welcome, St. Helena!